Sometimes I hang around graveyards at night
to steal flowers for you. I press them between
books for I can't give them to you anymore.
Often I wonder if it's just me who thinks about
you late or if you, at least sometimes, think
about me too and only because I steal flowers to
press for you is the reason you'd not see my
light still burning at night when you'd
walk by or you'd ring my bell, would you not?
And before I could answer "How are you?" you'd add softly
"I've missed you too." and I'd ask you to come
in, you'd hug me again so tightly and would
again not let go and I would not let go this
time neither, we'd forget what happened since
the last moon and fall asleep in each others arms.
But dreams are but dreams and hopes are
but hopes, yet can I not be beloved, let me love
nonetheless, even if I have to wait in vain.
Sometimes I hang around graveyards at night.
My whole life I've been runnin'
from whatever hauntin' me.
Could never slow down,
until you took my arm
whenever walking next to me.
My whole life there has been a war
ragin' on my head and I never knowed
what silence was
until you smiled and put your arms around me,
you made all the guns go quiet.
Thats how I knew, whatever it was,
was real and not a crush,
now it just hurts so much.
Now I have no chance but wait
for you to come back with
a mind made up, even if
I have to wait forever.
I saw the most beautiful dog,
but since it was japanese,
as almost everything these days,
reminded me of you.
Akita, what does it mean?
You're the only one I could
ask but I can not.
Like so many questions
I would have wanted to
ask you, all those questions
will be lost to time,
like tears in rain.
Karaoke just doesn't feel
right without you, as does
sitting at my kitchen drinking
tea alone at night or sitting
at that café where I asked
you out with a stupid poem
and where you dumped me
two weeks later. I even miss
you texting me like a boomer
dad who just wants to grill and
annoying Meowkonos at the bar
and you wrapping your arm
around me and your smile,
oh God, your smile. And your
voice and so many more things
I could never put to words.
How do I look away now
that I have seen you?
I planned to send a text tonight,
exactly what I texted you tonight,
that ‹Karaoke doest feel the same
without you› and that ‹I miss you› and
‹nevermind› and I already knew how
fuckin' stupid that plan was, two hours
before, when I came up with it and I
also knew that I would never get an
answer and still went through with it,
and I now sit here with scheduled regret
and know you won't come running for me
but still look up and check the door
every time it opens to see if its you
to come and kiss me softly.
I just like your pretty face
with the deer eyes and the
russian potatoe nose that carries
your glasses and that strong voice
coming from that soft mouth and
don't get me started on that damn
smile that gave me new life.
And that hair, that hair, I can't
describe but want to touch all of
the time and in a weird way I can
not explain I'm quite fond of those
hands who knit so well and hold
so well.
When I look at you I coild cry,
of joy and wonders and regret,
'cause even the one time I tried
so hard not to fuck everythin'
up, somehow I still fucked up.
But I thought
we could be
whimsical
together.
«And Gilgamesh wept bitter tears,
and he said:
‹He who was my companion,
through hardship and adventure,
is now gone forever.›»
